9 Things You Should Not Do When You Divorce

So, your marriage is coming to an end, and you’re filing for divorce. Divorce is a legal process that formally terminates a marriage, which is a civil contract. A divorce typically requires resolving issues related to property distribution, child custody, child support, and alimony.

In Maryland, the grounds for divorce are:

• A six-month separation
• Irreconcilable differences, or
• Mutual consent

For a six-month separation, the parties must show that they have led separate lives for six months. This does not preclude the parties from living in the same household if they are leading separate lives. Irreconcilable differences is a term that means the parties are facing significant issues and conflicts that cannot be resolved and have led to the breakdown of their marriage. Mutual consent means that the parties have a written agreement addressing all essential issues, such as alimony, child support, child visitation, and property division. Note that the court must be satisfied that the terms of this agreement are in the best interest of any minor children.

9 Things Not To Do When You Divorce

Going through a divorce is an emotional process, and it’s possible you might be more distracted and/or less focused than normal. It’s important, therefore, to pay close attention to your actions during this period to protect your emotional and physical health and to protect your financial and legal situation. Following are some tips that can help you:

1. Don’t put your minor children in the middle. It’s best not to discuss specifics of the divorce proceeding with minor children. This will be an emotional and perhaps even traumatic time for them, and it’s best to try to be calm and matter-of-fact. If possible, it’s best for divorcing parents to talk to their children about the divorce together, to assure them that they are not the cause of the divorce and that while things may change somewhat, everything will be alright. Additionally, don’t speak badly about your spouse to your children. The relationship you have with your spouse is not the same as the relationship your children have with your spouse. Respect the relationship they have with each other. Talking badly about, and criticizing your spouse in front of the children, can be emotionally destructive.  

2. Don’t drain marital assets. If you have marital accounts and other joint financial assets, don’t move the funds to a new account or waste the assets. Similarly, don’t move jointly-owned furniture from the house you live in with your current spouse. Some of these types of actions are illegal. And even if they’re not, a judge will look unfavorably on these actions. It’s best to maintain the status quo until a court order dealing with marital assets is issued.

3. Use social media sparingly, if at all. Sometimes divorcing spouses are in so much pain that they want to share their feelings on social media. However, in most cases this is unwise. Remember that anything you post can be used against you, and that your spouse’s attorney might be carefully reviewing your posts to find ammunition to reduce your spousal support or to support a legal request for child custody. For example, photos of expensive vacations you’re taking with a new boyfriend, or photos of high-value purchases can play into your divorce negotiations in unexpected ways.  

4. Don’t tape conversations with your spouse without his or her consent. In Maryland, the law requires two-party consent to recording conversations. In fact, Maryland requires all-party consent for both in-person and telephone conversations. If you record your spouse or others without their consent, you won’t be able to use anything that was said as evidence. So why risk aggravating your spouse and the court?

5. Don’t lie or hide information. If there is some information that is not supportive of your case, don’t delete it, throw it away, or otherwise destroy it. These actions are likely to have negative legal consequences and be viewed unfavorably by opposing counsel and the court. Your Bethesda divorce attorney is trained to figure out how to deal with this type of unfavorable documentation.

6. Don’t send nasty texts or emails to your spouse or others. It’s normal for divorcing parties to want to vent their negative feelings, but you never know when these communications may actually be used against you if they come to the attention of the judge or opposing counsel.

Uncontrolled outbursts might, for example, be viewed by the judge as evidence that you lack the maturity or proper temperament to be the custodial parent.

7. Don’t settle early or agree to a bad compromise. Some divorces literally drag on for years. This is particularly true with contested divorces, where spouses can’t agree on key issues and court intervention is required. But remember that the terms of your divorce regarding child custody, child support, alimony, property distribution and other pertinent matters will be incorporated in your divorce decree. So don’t settle early or take a bad compromise, as you’ll be living with it for a long time.

8.  Don’t turn your divorce into a war. Stay as positive as possible. There’s a lot to discuss and sort out in a divorce, but it’s important to work to keep your dignity intact. Remember that a divorce will reset your life and allow you to move on, hopefully in a positive way.

9. Find a capable, experienced, and empathetic divorce attorney. Hiring an experienced and talented divorce lawyer is a major key to a successful outcome in your divorce. You can conduct your own research, or ask friends and professional associates for referrals. Be sure to conduct an interview and ask pertinent questions. In the end, the best divorce attorney for you is the one you feel most comfortable with, based on his or her background, outcomes, and demeanor.

Contact a Skilled Divorce Attorney for Immediate Assistance

Here at the Law Offices of Brandon Bernstein, LLC, we know that finding a trustworthy, competent, and dedicated divorce lawyer is of paramount importance to you during your divorce proceeding. We have extensive experience in providing traditional, alternative, and mediation-based solutions. Contact us today for a free consultation,