Five Tips For Divorced Parents When Setting Up Summer Vacation Schedules

The end of school is a few short weeks away in most places around the U.S. If you’re a divorced parent of minor children, that means it’s time to set up summer visitation schedules. A summer visitation schedule outlines how co-parents distribute parenting time when their children are out of school.  Setting up a summer visitation parenting schedule that works for your entire family requires foresight and cooperation. 

If you don’t know where to start, it makes sense first to take a look at the Parenting Plan that you and your spouse developed and signed when you were negotiating child custody issues during your divorce. Maryland requires a Parenting Plan if minor children are involved in a divorce. A Parenting Plan is a written document that outlines how the divorced parents of minor children will raise them. Specifically, a Parenting Plan includes how physical and legal custody will be managed. It can include issues such as who will provide health insurance, who will pay for uncovered expenses, who will provide transportation to and from school and other activities, which third parties may visit and communicate with the children, what happens if one parent must relocate, and how future conflicts will be resolved. 

Parenting Plans are important because they set expectations within the family for how these issues will be handled. Many Parenting Plans include parameters regarding summer and other vacations. If you and your ex-spouse agreed to certain terms regarding vacations and summer schedules, they will be included in your Parenting Plan.

Five Tips For Summer Vacation Schedules 

If you don’t have a schedule in your Parenting Plan, here are some tips to make the planning easier.

First, start planning early. Choose a holiday or vacation schedule that suits the child’s and the parents’ needs.  There are a number of options – split the day, alternate holidays, or divide traditions. Once you have made a decision, put all the details in writing so there won’t be any misunderstandings. Pickup and drop-off times, transportation details, and other specialized considerations, such as dietary and religious needs, should be documented. Even though you’ve come to a decision, it’s important to recognize the need for flexibility if something out of the ordinary arises. When parents live far away from each other, additional considerations arise. These situations might necessitate less frequent but longer visitations. 

Second, keep your child’s needs paramount as you plan. Children shouldn’t have to suffer because their parents chose to end the marriage. Holidays and summer vacations are for kids, so try to preserve moments of continuity and comfort. Your children will adjust better if you and your ex-spouse communicate and work together rather than against each other. Give your spouse a break if they need to make minor changes to the agreed-upon schedule for legitimate reasons, such as work. But remember that successful visitation includes the right balance of fun and structure. Younger children might need more structure, while older children may crave more independence. And ensure that the visitation schedule accounts for activities such as sports and day camps that align with your child’s interests. 

Third, help your kids get excited about summer vacation or holiday time with their other parent. Even if you’re feeling acrimonious about the divorce, your kids are more likely to thrive if you can stay above the fray.  Here are some creative examples:

• Buy your child a photo album to make a memory book of their time with the other parent.
• Give your child a journal and encourage him or her to write about summer events and memories.
• Go to a craft store and buy a cardboard memory box. Have your child decorate it with decorative objects such as buttons, feathers, or sequins. This memory box can hold tokens of summer vacations with their other parent, such as seashells and postcards.
• Help your child pack up special items from your home that will bring continuity and comfort, such as a stuffed animal or photographs.

Fourth, let go of the guilt. It doesn’t make you a bad parent to look forward to your kid-free days. To make the most of them, be thoughtful as you consider what you’d like to do when your kids are with their other parent. Whether it’s taking an art class or a road trip, let go of the guilt and enjoy your time away from the kiddos. Letting go of the guilt has benefits for them, too. It sends a clear message that time alone is okay and shows your support for the relationship with their other parent.

Fifth, communication is key. As with nearly everything in life, setting expectations and prioritizing open communication help minimize the inevitable disruptions as you plan and execute your summer vacation. As a parent, you can exhibit both active and reflective listening with your child. In active listening, you show that you are listening intently by asking questions and giving affirmative nods. In reflective listening, you mirror what your child has said. In both types of listening, verbal and nonverbal communication is critical. Verbal communication is the way you communicate with words, including the pitch and tone of your voice. Nonverbal communication is your body language, and includes such things as eye contact, hand gestures, personal space, and physical touch, like hugging. If you model strong and positive communication skills, your child will also develop the ability to express thoughts and feelings in a positive way.

Contact The Law Offices of Brandon Bernstein, LLC

If this is your first summer vacation post-divorce, it’s important to stay calm and carry on when your kids head to your ex’s house. A Bethesda child custody attorney can help you strategize and develop the parameters of a summer vacation schedule. And if you’ve done this before, you are likely still learning how to navigate the difficult logistics and emotions that go along with separating from your child for a summer visitation.  Here at The Law Offices of Brandon Bernstein, we have the experience and skill to help you through these difficult family law issues. Contact us today for a free consultation.