How to Achieve the Best Outcome For Your Family After a Divorce

When families break up, it’s hard for everyone. Relationships are ruptured and routines are disrupted. Everyone has to find their new normal, which can be difficult and even traumatic for some family members. Regardless of how mom and dad feel about each other, it is still critical to work toward addressing these challenges in the most effective way possible. So, what’s the best way to do that?

Family therapists say that the time it takes for a family to adjust to a divorce can vary widely based on several factors, including the family’s dynamics, the age and temperament of the children, the level of conflict between parents, and the support systems available, such as grandparents, neighbors, and counselors. In general, families may begin to find a new sense of normalcy within 1 to 2 years after the divorce. The first few months are often the hardest, marked by emotional upheaval, confusion, and significant changes in daily routines. You can expect your family members to experience anxiety, anger, and sadness. 

As parents and children adjust to new routines, the initial emotional intensity may subside. After a year, most families have adapted to new living arrangements and custody situations. After that, long-term emotional healing continues, and family members may feel more settled and resilient as they move further away from the time of divorce.

Strategies for Achieving the Best Outcome Possible After a Divorce

In our family law practice, we have identified several strategies that help families achieve the best possible outcome after divorce. These include the following:

Create a Thorough and Thoughtful Parenting Plan 

Since February 2020, Maryland has required every parent to complete a Parenting Plan in child custody cases. The law defines a Parenting Plan as a written agreement describing how the parties will care for and make decisions regarding their children. Think of it as a mutually agreed-upon resolution between the parents that defines the terms and framework for how they will each carry out decision-making and other child-care responsibilities. Simply put, think of it as a custody agreement. For example, the parents may decide that the mother will have primary physical custody and the father will have an established visitation schedule. Or the parents may decide to have joint legal custody with 50-50 child physical custody, with each parent having the child for two weeks every month. 

However, not all divorcing spouses think through their Parenting Plan as carefully as they should, and this is when problems arise. The Parenting Plan should identify which parent is responsible for medical and educational decisions, religious training, and recreational or extracurricular decisions. Whether you intend to assign sole decision-making authority in one or two or more areas to one parent or choose to have both parents share joint decision-making authority, your desires should be set out with specificity. 

It is important to have the details and terms written down for everyone’s convenience and benefit. A written plan also eases conflict by organizing details and preventing confusion and uncertainty. More importantly, a written parenting plan will provide better child protection by reducing the likelihood of conflict between parents. Your Bethesda family law attorney can help you formulate a Parenting Plan that makes sense for you and your family and helps you achieve an optimal family outcome after your divorce.

Consider Family Counseling 

Some of our families engage in family counseling after divorce, even though this may seem counterintuitive. Post-divorce family counseling makes sense if you view divorce as a family transition rather than an end.  Post-divorce family counseling helps family members consider how to collaborate in light of the family’s new changes. A competent family therapist can help families navigate feelings of despair, rage, and grief, finding common ground and confronting each family member’s reality. A particular goal of many therapists who work with divorcing families is to help the parents figure out how to co-parent in the healthiest way.  

Strive For Open Communication

Divorcing families often struggle with open communication. Clear and consistent communication protects family relationships during a time of extreme stress and often chaos. Experts say that divorcing parents should aim for communication that is brief, informative, friendly, and firm. In the ideal situation, it’s more like a business transaction—you are now in the process of raising your children together rather than revisiting past grievances or trying to make the marriage work. Strive to put the disappointment of your marriage in the rear-view mirror, and focus on the mental health of your children.

Be Open-Minded and Flexible

Even after you’ve signed your Parenting Plan and developed other systems and routines post-divorce, there are bound to be unanticipated situations. For example, one parent may determine that sending the child to boarding school will be best for their educational future, but your Parenting Plan may not explicitly address this type of situation. Being open to creative solutions and staying flexible are the keys here. In some particularly difficult situations, you might want to consider divorce mediation. 

Prepare for Emotional Triggers

Being divorced is not a static condition. There are bound to be situations that trigger your emotions and create intense feelings. Trying to stay calm and focused, and actively listening to your ex-spouse or children, can help bring you back to center and refocus on family cooperation.

Contact the Law Offices of Brandon Bernstein, LLC

Here at the Law Offices of Brandon Bernstein, we care about our clients and their families before, during, and after the divorce. We know that healing the grief and sadness about terminating a marriage requires concern and empathy from all who interact with the divorcing spouses. We offer experience, knowledge, and sensitivity during one of the most difficult periods of your life. Contact us today for a free consultation.